So, my sister and I went hiking at the Delaware Water Gap on Saturday.

Do me a favor, will ya? Next time I say I want to go hiking -- or anything that involves nature, for that matter -- remind me of this tiny little detail: I hate nature!

I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so definitely a city girl. I mean, I love the outdoors ... just as long as it's covered in concrete. But hey, you gotta give me points for trying, right?


All smiles before the hike

Anyway, so we drive about an hour and 15 minutes, which isn't too bad, except that it's, like, 95 degrees out and it's only 8 a.m. There's no amount of air conditioning a car can put out to combat heat like that. But hey, I'm suddenly an adventure lover, right? I can put up with a little stifling, drenching, suffocating heat, right?



So we get there, and we take one of the easier trails. Everything's going great so far. We decide to try a little bit of a steeper trail. A few steps in, I hear my sister scream. I look back and she says (I kid you not), "A fly just pooped in my eye!" And wouldn't you know it, when I looked in here eye, I saw it ... all over her eyelashes. A fly had pooped in her eye. Who knew flies could even poop?



Its big brother then decided to feed on my right calf (and I've got the huge mark to prove it). We killed it, and continued on our way, undeterred by the fly attacks.

After about 40 minutes, when we stopped to enjoy the view, the fly's first-cousin-once-removed decided to exact its revenge, chasing me and buzzing from one ear to the other. I'm serious -- I know it was only a fly, but it wouldn't leave me alone! I started running down the trail like a mad woman, screaming "F***ing fly! Oh my god! Oh my god! Get this f***ing fly off of me! ARGHHHH." I took off, making it down the trail (the same one that took us 40 minutes to climb) in about, oh, five minutes. Poor Laura, she had no choice but to run after me. As she said later, if someone had told me to run down the trail, I'd look at them as if they were crazy. But get a fly after me ...



When we got to the bottom of the trail, Laura said, "Ok, if we go down this other trail, we can get to the waterfall." To which I replied, "If we get back in the car and take the Turnpike, we can get back home." And that is indeed what we did.

So if I ever get the urge again to do something that involves birds, bees, trees or any such thing, smack me, will ya?