My first blog post is up at the Huffington Post!

It's a short piece to introduce myself. I have to admit, it is quite a thrill to see my name in print -- or, more accurately, on the screen.

You can read the piece here.

And don't worry, I won't forget you ... right away. :-)

A single male co-worker of mine was wearing what appeared to be a wedding ring, so I asked him if he had gotten married. He replied that he had gotten engaged. When I asked about the ring, he said it was an engagement ring. He had bought his fiancé one, and he thought he should have one, too.

Seriously? It's not enough that men don't have to shave if they don't want to, don't get cramps once a month, don't have to worry about drunk 60-year-old men hitting on them when they're just trying to have a drink with a friend? Now they get a ring, too?

Then again, maybe it's a good thing. You see a ring on a guy's finger, you know he's out of bounds. No time-wasting there. Move along; nothing to see here.

I dunno, though. It still strikes me as sort of odd. There are some things that should just be ours. I still don't like the idea of men getting facials and mani-pedis -- not because it's "feminine," but because guys have it so easy already. Why do they need to relax even more? Come on!

Next thing you know, there will be bridal showers for guys. And we all know how I feel about bridal showers...

I have a confession to make. I've hidden it until now because ... well, you'll know why when you read it.

Sigh. Here I go.

I have a secret crush on Dick Van Dyke.

Aaaaah, I've said it!

I love, love, loooove Dick Van Dyke. I never saw "The Dick Van Dyke Show," at least not during its original run -- I'm not quite that old -- but there was a time that a day wouldn't go by that I wouldn't watch "Diagnosis Murder."

So imagine my delight when I turn on "Night at the Museum" and find that glorious, gray-haired, perpetually lovable face on the screen. It's Dr. Mark Sloan! (And no, not "Grey's Anatomy" man-whore Mark Sloan. He only wishes he was as lovable as the original!)

Well, anyway, I really liked the movie -- it goes on the list as one of my faves. Then again, I can't really be objective about it, can I? My biggest critique with the movie was that there wasn't enough Dick in it. (Get your head out of the gutter.) Ben Stiller is cute and all, and he played his part perfectly, but he's no Dick Van Dyke. Then again, not many men are. In fact, I can only think of one.

Yes, Dick, I'm talking 'bout you. Call me.

I'm baaaaack. Florida was awesome.

Ok, I'll be honest, I've been back for a few days, but it's just been crazy busy and I haven't had a chance to write. And to be even more honest, I don't even really have that much to blog about. I did have a great time in Florida, but it was uneventful ... thankfully! I was really looking forward to just hanging out with my friend Neets, and that's really all we did. Ok, we did squeeze some shopping in ... two days' worth, actually ... but hey, it's me. What'd you expect?

We did also watch a couple of movies. One was "Borat." Oh ... my ... gosh. That movie was hysterical and horrifying all at once. Seriously, there were some scenes we had to watch in fast-forward because we wanted to see what happened but couldn't bear to listen. I would list some specific scenes, but it's pretty much the entire movie. If you saw it, you know exactly what I mean. We also watched "Starsky & Hutch," which I hadn't seen before but Neets had. Pretty funny, in a stupid-funny kind of way. If there's nothing else to rent, go ahead and get this. Do it. Do it.

Oh, and we watched a marathon of "How Clean is Your House?" This is my new favorite show ... ever. Basically, these two British cleaning ladies go to people's houses and clean them. Sounds boring, but it's so great, because a) the houses they go to are completely disgusting, and not just in my OCD opinion -- they really are uninhabitable; b) one of the women, Kim, can't not smell things. I mean, there could be this pillow cover that's covered in an inch-think pile of yellow whatever, and she knows she'll be totally grossed out if she smells it, but she can't not smell it, and so she does, and then we get to view the hysterical facial expressions; c) the other woman, Aggie, does all these neat scientific tests to see how much bacteria there is in the house. She'll swab a surface, and then tell the people living there just why they're always so itchy or why their asthma isn't getting any better. It's totally gross, and totally great; d) their accents. Only the Brits can get away with making insults sounds so nice.

Other than that, we pretty much just sat by the pool and lounged about. It was the perfect, relaxing break. And now back to reality. Sigh.

I know what you're thinking: Who's that foxy lady?

It's me! I figured it was time to update my pic. This one's a bit more recent -- my hair's longer, darker. I'm not quite as tan. I've aged a few years.

So now, when you close your eyes and dream of me, the image will be more accurate. :-)

Big news, big news: I'm going to blog for The Huffington Post! I know!

Beginning the end of May, I'm going to write about pop culture, entertainment and the media. Of course, I won't forget about you guys, my loyal fans. I'll be sure to give you all the URL for the blog once it's up.

Oh, and if you ever have any ideas for posts, please do pass along. I'm sure I'll constantly be on the lookout for stories. So if you see anything in the news that strikes you as odd or curious, or an issue that hasn't been covered to death in other places, drop me a note.

Woo hoo! :-)

I went to a bridal shower yesterday. Ugh. Is there anything worse than a bridal shower? First of all, it puts such pressure on us happy, er, I mean unmarried, gals. Second, it's totally cheesy. And third, it's really just one big gift-giving extravaganza, isn't it?

And you know, I've gone to so many of these over the years -- bridal showers, weddings, baby showers. I've spent so much money on these things, and I'll never get any of that back.

So I've decided that when I turn 40 -- which, is a looong, looong way away, of course (bite that tongue) -- I'm going to have a huge birthday party, and I'm going to register for gifts. And if anyone thinks that's tacky, just consider it my non-wedding wedding, ok? I mean, why should we single gals always be the ones to lose out? Why can't I furnish my home with gifts from others? I would totally love this KitchenAid mixer. Why should I have to spend $50,000 on a wedding to get it?

So keep an eye out for that invitation. And if you're not sure what to give me, remember: cash goes with everything.

I'm soooo moving to Mauritania:

"In Mauritania, to make a girl big and plump, 'gavage' -- a borrowed French word from the practice of fattening of geese for foie gras -- starts early. Obesity has long been the ideal of beauty, signaling a family's wealth in a land repeatedly wracked by drought.

"Many women turn to a more scientific method of weight gain, using foreign-made appetite-inducing pills."

Hah! Amateurs. I don't need no stinking pills. Man, I'd be a queen in Mauritania.

They say abstinence is good for the soul. No, I'm not talking about that kind of abstinence, necessarily, but just abstaining from anything, for a set period of time.

Like giving up chocolate for Lent. It's not easy, but it's satisfying, because it's a challenge, and once it's over and you can finally eat chocolate, it's really, really, really good.

So I've decided that, every month, I'm going to give up something, anything. I've done chocolate, so I won't be going there again. (Plus, it tastes really, really, really good.) I'll probably start with scratch-off lottery tickets next month. Good lord, those things suck me in. It's only $1 here, $2 there, but it quickly adds up to 50 bucks a month, or more, and that money really could be better used in other ways.

I'll still do my annual no-TV-for-summer thing, but I'll need something else. Any ideas? And don't say caffeine ... unless you want some really, really nasty blog postings. :-)

Amy Winehouse.

If you haven't heard of this British singer, do yourself a favor and check her out. My current fave is "Rehab": "They tried to make me to go to rehab, but I said no, no, no."

Ok, so it's not exactly relatable (at least not to me), but once you hear it, you can't get it out of your head. Trust me. Have a listen, and let me know what you think.

I hope everyone had a happy Easter/Passover! I finally had chocolate! And some yummy chocolate, at that. I think I'm going to give up something else next year, like scratch-off tickets. They're so terribly addictive.

Ooh, I saw "Blades of Glory" this weekend. Very funny. I love Will Ferrell in pretty much anything (I'm sure I'm one of three people who thought "A Night at the Roxbury" was freakin' hysterical), so I'm a bit biased, but I did think this was very funny. There are some instant-classic lines here: "I made these leather diaper bags for Faith Hill." WTF?!?

The only thing I wasn't crazy about was the mild homophobia. Pretty much the entire plot was homophobic. But if you can let that go and just run with it, I think you'll enjoy it. But wait for the video. This is definitely one of those movies.

I saw "Casino Royale" this weekend. Wow, what a thrill ride!

From the moment of the first chase, I knew Daniel Craig was a great choice as Bond. Then again, I knew from the moment I saw "Layer Cake," another great Craig movie.

God, he was so good as Bond. (And it didn't hurt that he looked yummy ... way to bulk up your body, Craig.) I totally forgot anyone had embodied that character before. He completely reinvigorated the franchise. Bond really had become a caricature, and Craig embodied him with emotions and a backstory that was believable and even somewhat relatable. And did I mention he was hot?

A big thumbs-up on this one.

Wow, it's been almost two years that I've been writing this blog! Time sure does fly.

I thought it would be neat to update some of the stories I've written. I know you're just itching to know what ever happened with that priest. And how will you ever live without knowing whether I hooked up with J.D. (in my dreams)?

Fear not, friends. All your questions are about to be answered. (And by all, I mean all, because, come on, what else are you thinking about all day if not me?)

The Tale of the Prejudiced Priest: After my response to his letter to the editor, I never heard another peep. My mom told me he was really old and really ill, so it could be he passed away. Either way, our feud is over ... for now.

J.D. and I are over. It was fun while it lasted, but I’ve got a new obsession, er, I mean, interest.

I still have not shopped at Target. Honestly, this boycott lasted waaaay longer than even I thought it would. I’m pretty darn proud of myself. And I’ve saved a ton of money, too, now that I don’t go shopping every weekend.

I've sort of giving up on acting. It’s not like Bayonne is the hub of the acting universe. There’s a class here at night at the local high school, but it sounds like it’s more for teens. I’ll keep looking around, but I think I’m done with this one. I may take up tennis again, though.

My foray into the world of New Jersey professionals was short-lived. Everyone was nice, but the events were pretty far from town, and honestly, I don’t want to try that hard to meet new people. If any more events come to Bayonne, I’ll go, but I’m not going to New Brunswick to feel awkward in front of a group of strangers. I can do that here at home.

I’ve kept half of my New Year’s resolutions. You decide which ones ... shouldn’t be too hard, if you know me at all.

My complaint-free week lasted about three days. I’ve tried to continue it, but it’s just too hard. Who doesn’t ever complain at all, anyway? Not gonna happen, my friends.

My brother’s dog lives.

My mom’s bird lives.

I’m now worth $2.24, thanks to inflation.

And, of course, I’m still watching way too much television.

So that’s it. That’s the scintillating recap. Hope you enjoyed it. I’m off now, to do stuff so I have things to blog about. Ok, we all know that by "stuff" I mean "watch TV," right? Yeah, I thought so. Some things never change.

Ok, so I'm finally getting around to watching movies I've been meaning to see but haven't had time to in the past year or so. I rented two this weekend. The first was "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." Pure crap. I'm not even going to write any more about it.

I also saw "The Devil Wears Prada." Yes, it's a chick flick, but it's a good chick flick. And Meryl Streep is just amazing, natch. She really makes the movie. Emily Blunt, who plays one of the assistants, is also really good. Very funny. I recommend it. It's not the best movie ever made, but it's not a waste of time (like that pirates movie ... ugh).

I rented two movies this weekend: "The Departed" and "Stranger than Fiction." I highly recommend both movies.

"The Departed," the movie that finally got Scorcese his first Oscar, is an über-violent remake of the Hong Kong thriller "Internal Affairs." The film takes place in Boston, where Frank Costello, an Irish mob boss, implants Colin Sullivan as a mole inside the Massachusetts State Police. At the same time, Officer Billy Costigan has infiltrated Costello's crew. When the two catch wind of the other's involvement, they attempt to discover each other's identities.

Did I mention it was violent? I'm a bit squeamish, so some parts were hard for me to look at -- and, in fact, I did have to look away during some scenes -- but it was totally worth it. The script and acting are top-notch. And I'm glad Scorcese was rewarded for this movie -- he totally deserved it. If you can stomach the violence, do watch it.

"Stranger Than Fiction" is strange indeed. It's about Harold Crick, an IRS agent whose life is transformed when he hears a mysterious voice narrating his life. With the help of a literature professor, Harold discovers he's the main character of a novel-in-progress and that the voice belongs to an eccentric author famous for killing her main characters in creative ways.

And now you're probably thinking, "Huh?" Yeah, that’s about right. It's definitely a quirky movie, but it's thoroughly entertaining, and Will Ferrell really sells it. He's great in his first dramatic role. I totally found him believable. I also thought Maggie Gyllenhall, who plays his love interest, was fantastic. I never really saw her in anything before, and honestly never though that much of her, but she did a great job with this role. Oh, and Emma Thompson is fabulous, as always. If you can let go and just accept the nutty premise, you're sure to enjoy the movie.

I plan on seeing "The 300" this weekend, which looks like it can either be a really, really good movie or a really, really awful movie. I'm sure it's the latter, but as long as it's a good awful movie, I'll be happy.

Well, so much for my complaint-free week. I tried. I really, really tried. And I was good for almost three days! (Which is, what, three weeks in dog years?)

I've been good. There were times -- many, many times -- I had to bite my tongue, but I was good. And I even felt my mood and my entire composure change. No complaining for me, kind sir! I am a ray of sunshine and happiness!

And then I called the phone company tech support.

Look, I think it's great that the folks in India have gotten themselves some great jobs. That's wonderful. Everyone's gotta make a living, right?

What I don't think is great is that they're put in positions of customer support, where they have to talk to people on the phone. And honestly, I'd feel the same way about it if it were people in Spain. If they can't speak English properly, then they need to not be in a position where I'm relying on them to help me verbally.

The tech support person was very nice, but it was like banging my head against a wall. Say this very, very slowly to get an idea of what I mean: "Ok ... now ... in ... the ... box ... type ... this ... in ... Are ... you ... ready? ... Ok ... here ... we ... go ... Type ... in ... h ... as ... in ... Henry ... t ... as ... in ... Tom ... another ... t ... as ... in ... tom ... p ... as ... in ... peter ... and ... now ... a ... semicolon ..." Um, that's a colon. "Alright ... let's ... start ... again ..." Now deal with that for 2-1/2 hours. I kid you not. It took me from 8 to 10:30 to reconnect my DSL modem.

Yes, I know I'm complaining, but I gotta get it all in before I start again. Ok, here I go...

My, isn't the sky particularly shiny and bright today?

I read an article in People magazine about a pastor somewhere in Iowa (or some other such state I've never visited or plan to visit) who is passing out a free "Complaint-Free Bracelet" -- similar to the Live Strong bracelets, but in purple.

The article got me thinking about how often I complain ... and boy, do I complain! So I'm going to try to forego complaining for one whole week.

It's been half a day already, and let me tell you, it's a lot harder than I thought! (Not that I'm complaining...) There have already been at least three our four times that I really had to bite my tongue.

I've also found that, sans complaining, I've talked a lot less today than I normally do. That's pretty sad, isn't it?

Of course, I'm still finding my way around this. I'm sure as the week goes along, I'll come up with rules and exceptions. For example, if I say something sarcastically, like "Boy, I'm sure glad that person didn't cut me off" after someone cuts me off, does that count? (I think it does.) Also, am I allowed to complain on this blog? (I think I should be.) Those kinds of things ...

So we'll see how it goes. I'll be sure to post updates here ... without complaining, of course.

It's been a long time since I've done something stupid.

Ok, not that long, but seriously, it's been a while since I've left the house with two different color shoes on, or walked the looooong hallway to the office without realizing my shirt was up around my neck (don't ask). I mean, it wasn't too long ago that a week wouldn't go by without me walking into the glass doors at 7-11, thinking they were open, or forgetting to close the sunroof during a rainstorm.

That said, I'm in for it big-time. If it's been this long, there's a lot of stupid-time to make up. I wonder what I should expect. Will I get all the way to work before realizing I haven't changed out of my pajamas? Will I show up to work, only to look down and see pink, fuzzy slippers, instead of shoes, on my feet?

I'm a little nervous...

"A creative fan got up close and personal with Hugh Grant at the Amsterdam premiere of his new film, 'Music & Lyrics,' on Friday night. The fan managed to get near the British actor and handcuffed herself to him. Police and emergency fire rescue had to be called in order to cut off the handcuffs. The young lady was later detained by police but released without serving time in jail."

Why didn't I think of this? Oh, yeah, because it's crazy.

My friend Neets said I was not completely forthcoming in my last post. As she so kindly pointed out, "Murder, She Wrote" is among the least embarrassing programs I've been addicted to. Sadly, she is right. I've canceled plans with friends in order to watch much-worse shows. (Remember, though, this was before TiVo ... so I had no choice! I mean, what was I going to do, miss them? Pshaw.)

So, because I have no shame, here is the real list of TV shows I can't help but love. Try not to judge me too harshly. It's a sickness to love this much suckitude.

"Matlock" -- Come on, are you gonna tell me that just the sight of Andy Griffith doesn't make you feel better? It's like pop-culture comfort food, people.

"JAG," about a group of Judge Advocates General. I watch it a lot in reruns. The best thing about the show is that it spawned the spin-off "NCIS."

"The District," which followed the work and personal life of the chief of Washington, D.C.'s Metropolitan Police Department, played by Craig T. Nelson ("Coach"). Sounds like it could be good, right? Yeah, it really wasn't. Which isn't to say I don't enjoy it. The only problem is that reruns are on the same time as "JAG"'s, so I have to switch off on which one to TiVo. Decisions, decisions. Life is hard.

"Stargate SG-1," a sci-fi show about a team of "explorers" that use a network of ancient Stargates, which enable interplanetary travel, to defend Earth from the Goa'uld and other alien threats. I know it sounds hokey, but it's actually quite ... oh, who am I kidding? It's totally cheesy. I love it.

"Viper," an action-adventure TV series about a special task force set up by the federal government to fight crime in fictional Metro City, Calif. The weapon used by the task force is an assault vehicle that masquerades as a Dodge Viper RT/10 roadster and coupe. A poor man's version of "Knight Rider." (And here you thought "Knight Rider" was the poor man's version...)

"Diagnosis Murder" -- This, by far, is the most embarrassing. (Yes, even more so than "Viper" -- at least that was meant to be cheesy.) Here, the plot centered around Dr. Mark Sloan (Dick Van Dyke), a renowned physician who occasionally worked for the police department as a consultant. Riiiight, because being a "renowned physician" wasn't keeping him busy enough. But I love Dick Van Dyke -- he's like Andy Griffith; you can't help but feel good at the sight of him.

There, it's all out in the open. Now that wasn't so bad, was it? I feel much better having gotten that all out there.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got a couple of "Columbo"s to catch up on...