For the last couple of weeks, I've had this crazy desire to have a baby. I know! Insane, huh? I've never been the one who wants or needs to be a mom. Even as my friends around me were having babies, I was thanking my lucky stars I could wake up late on weekends, or didn't have to worry about paying for someone else's college education. My plan has always been to retire at 55 and enjoy the rest of my life, dammit.
But now ... well, I just don't know if it's the clock ticking or what, but I can actually see myself having a kid. Heck, I'm up early on weekends anyway. And it's not like I go out and party. And I love, love, love my niece and nephew more than I could ever imagine loving another human being. Granted, I also really enjoy when their parents come to pick them up and take them home, but hey, I didn't say I was perfect.
But there's this part of me that feels like, by wanting kids, I'm turning into a cliche -- you know, the independent woman who realizes too late that she wasn't truly fulfilled until she became a mom. There's a part of me that says "Yes, I do want to be a mom," but then the other part gives her the smackdown. "Come on," she says, "You're just buying into the ideal! You just think you want to be a mom because that's what everyone's telling you that's what you want. Wake up and smell the dirty diapers!" It's so confusing...
Here's the thing, though: I definitely, without a doubt, absolutely, positively do not want to be pregnant. I've heard it really hurts. I don't like pain. No, thanks. I've thought about adopting, but it's really expensive, and I'm sure the single-parent thing would work against me. If there were a pregnant teenager that wanted to give her baby up, I'd totally take it, but really, this is 2007, so that's not likely to happen.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being hormonal. I mean, who am I kidding? I would make a crappy mom. "Not now, kid. I'm watching CSI!" Then again, I'd be a lot better than some of the moms out there. See why I'm confused?
Man, I totally wish I were rich so I could adopt a baby and hire a nanny to take care of it for most of the day, and then just trot it out when it was convenient for me. That would be awesome ... well, except for the baby. I'm sure it would suck for the baby. Ok, scratch that.
OMG, guys, I totally knew that was a bad thing. Maybe I wouldn't make such a bad mom after all!
6 comments:
Yeah I feel the same as you though...I don't have a biological clock that wants me to be pregnant...I would love a child but don't particularly want to bear it. But I think it would be beautiful to give to a child who need a home..I may yet do that.
My friend Pam was trying to get me to adopt a tsunami baby last year...
Yeah, if I do decide to become a mom, I'll definitely adopt. I have no desire to be pregnant. Hey, if you decide to do it, let me know. :-)
Try not to worry about where those urges are coming from or if you're just feeling what women are expected to feel. I think what's important is that you feel what YOU feel and let that feeling take you where it will. I had one child (now 30) by birth and one by adoption (now 22) and both of them began as similar urges. Neither route was necessarily easy but I think I was the healthiest I've ever been when I was pregnant because I took such good care of everything. I also thought I couldn't afford adoption but when you start looking and being open to possibilities doors open that you never expected. So I suggest feeling what you feel, continue to talk about it and explore it, and who knows where the feelings will take you?! Loving your niece and nephew as much as you do is a sure sign that you would make a wonderful parent. We all grow into parenting.
Thanks, Jane! :-)
When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified! I'm the the baby of my family, never babysat my neighbor's kids, and never even found kids particularly charming. I didn't even know how to change a diaper! But when I had Syd, everything changed. Now, I couldn't imagine my life without her. She's a hell of a handful, as you've heard me say time and time again, but she's definitely worth the early weekend mornings and the time it takes me to fish stale Cheerios out from in between my couches. I'm not saying you should abandon all reservation and rush out and get a baby right way because it's not easy, but just wanted to share my experience. But I do have to say that I think you'd make a great mom!
Aw, thanks Chandra! That means a lot, coming from such a great mom. :-)
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