I read my local paper every week, because I like to see what's going on in my town. I especially like to read the Letters to the Editor, because it's interesting to see what issues members of my community are thinking about.

In this week's letters to the editor was the following item:

To the editor:
I drive only in [city] because of a medical disability. I was born and raise in [city] and I can't help but notice the drastic changes that have taken place in my beloved city.
Demographically, our population has changed. I notice that a great deal of our residents either do not speak or read English. That is probably the reason why a majority of our traffic rules, which were passed to ensure our safety, are not followed by so many drivers and pedestrians.
Jaywalking has become epidemic. "Cross at the green and not in between" is a rule that has fallen into disuse. Double-parking is commonplace. I have often seen cars and other vehicles double-parked and no drivers behind the steering wheels. Crossing over main avenues at streets lacking traffic signal lights is a game of jeopardy because the view of oncoming traffic along our main thoroughfares is blocked by vans, trucks and SUVs.
Our public parking lots are being converted and will demand outrageous fees to park. I would like to know why these changes took place without a referendum of our residents. Why is the Parking Authority exercising absolute power?
It seems that our [city] residents have become so affluent that every household owns and operates three to four vehicles. I remember when a family owned one vehicle or no vehicle at all. Traffic rules were rarely disregarded. But today, anything goes. This is not progress, but a symbol of the general deterioration of the moral foundation of our society.
Father Giuseppe Orsini

Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. First, I have no idea what language has to do with jaywalking. And what does crossing in between streets have to do with the Parking Authority and public parking lots?

So, I wrote my own little letter to the editor. I'm sending it in today, so I hope it will be published either next week or the one after. Here's my response:

To the editor:
I was disheartened to read Father Giuseppe Orsini's letter to the editor from March 29.
In his letter, Father Orsini writes: "I notice that a great deal of our residents either do not speak or read English. That is probably the reason why a majority of our traffic rules ... are not followed by so many drivers and pedestrians. Jaywalking has become an epidemic."
One would hope that Father Orsini, as a man of the cloth, would not spew such prejudicial and spurious beliefs. There is no connection between language and etiquette or proper behavior.
I am a first-generation American, having immigrated here as a child. I speak fluent English, and am a contributing member of society. Have I ever jaywalked? Yes. Does it have anything to do with the language I speak? Absolutely not. To connect one thing with the other is a blatant attempt to justify his prejudicial beliefs.
As the national spokesperson for an Italian-American anti-bias foundation, Father Orsini should know better. It's comments like his that continue the kind of bias and intolerance he supposedly opposes.

I really hope they post it. I'll let you know.

La la la la la la la ... la ... la.

I went to Atlantic City this weekend, and I have a confession to make: I totally became a "lurker."

About halfway through the day, I noticed that there was this girl who seemed to always happen to sit near me. And she kept winning. So when she would get up, I'd take over her machine. Sometimes I'd be pretty open about it; other times, I'd pretend to walk away, and then would turn around and come back. And it worked! Up until then, I was losing everything. Then it turned around. I won about $300, which isn't my personal best, but considering I was playing quarter slots, not too shabby.

I know this probably breaks some sort of casino ethics (as if), but I couldn't help it. She didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't say anything. It's not like I was taking her luck, because she was done with the machines.

So that's me, the lurker. Hey, we all got our issues.

James Blunt asked me to marry him! Ok, that's not true, but I got your attention, right?

The concert last night was amazing. My guest was on time, so we were in the front row. I was thisclose to James all night. He gave me some knowing glances all evening, as if to say, "I don't know who you are but I'm going to find a way to track you down so we can be together forever." Or something like that. He even shook my hand on the way out. I'm never washing my hand again. Ever. (My apologies to those of you who will be coming into contact with me in the future.)

I took lots of pics, and even some video, and I hope to post both soon. Do we make a nice couple? You be the judge. (And if you say something other than "Yes!!" with two exclamation points, you are no longer welcome to be around me and my soon-to-be-smelly hand.)

I won tickets to a private concert with James Blunt! It's taking place Thursday at the China Club in Manhattan, the same place where I went to see INXS.

Now let's just hope that my guest is going to be on time this time, and that I can be in the front row. Because how is James going to ask me to marry him if he doesn't see me?

I'll report back after the concert, hopefully with pics of James and me in a loving embrace. :-)

My brother has a dog, a black lab named Luna, who is positively insane. She's nuts, she is. But that's neither here nor there.

Last week, my brother's wife found a note at their door from the city health inspector, who had stopped by while they weren't home. The note asked them to call the health office the next day.

Turns out, a few weeks ago, my sister-in-law had gone to the dentist and had left Luna in the backyard -- the fenced-in backyard. While my sister was at the dentist, it started raining. Apparently, one of her neighbors called City Hall to complain that the dog had been left out in the rain.

The dog, people. The dog. Someone actually complained because the dog was left out in the rain.

Look, I love dogs just as much as the next person. I do. I'm scared of most of them, but I love them nonetheless. And I think Luna is just peachy-keen. I'm mush around her. But she's a dog. Where was the neighbor when homeless people were out in the rain? Did she call anyone to complain about that? What about all the kids that go hungry? Or live in foster homes for their entire childhood because they can't get adopted? How about them? Is "my neighbor left their dog out in the rain" really the cause you're going to go with? Really?

Everyone should just mind their own damn business. Luna is well fed, well taken care of, has a warm home to sleep in, and is loved by her family. She's much better off than millions of people, in this country alone. So let's say it's ok to leave a dog out in the rain for a couple of hours, shall we?

So I gave up chocolate for Lent. I figured the benefits would be twofold: I would fulfill my Catholic obligations; and I would stop eating chocolate, which would help me lose weight.

Here's the problem: Since I can't eat chocolate, I'm eating everything else! Normally, after lunch, I'd have a tiny piece of chocolate -- just enough to fulfill my desire. Now that I can't eat chocolate, I go to the vending machine and buy, say, Twizzlers -- but that doesn't quite do it. So then I go downstairs and buy Reese's Pieces, but that doesn't sate my desire for chocolate. So then I have some pretzels ... You get the picture. I'm going to wind up gaining weight by not eating chocolate!

I hope God's reading this. I need this "sacrifice" to be acknowledged when (if!) I reach the pearly gates...

Wow! "Crash" won for best movie! Didn't see that coming. Well I thought there might be an upset, but I was crossing my fingers for "Brokeback." Truth is, I'd be happy with whatever movie won -- all five were great picks (though I only saw a couple of them).

Jon Stewart -- shame he's already married. He is one hot dude. I think his intelligence and humor make him so attractive, right? It's certainly not the Robin Williamsesque body hair.

And George Clooney ... Who does self-deprecation better than he does? He's not married, and, frankly, I'd be fine if he were all Sasquatchy (that's a new word -- I'm copyrighting it). He is hot, hot, hot.

I loved the bits from Ben Stiller, and Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell. And the opening sequence? Four words: Hi-la-ri-ous.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable show. Now, if they could just ply the actors with some booze like they do at the Golden Globes, that would be a real party ...

I went to Stop & Shop yesterday after work. When I got home, my mother was standing at the door, waiting.

"You're late."

"I left a note this morning saying that I was going to Stop & Shop after work."

"I know. You were taking a long time."

"It's 6:15."

"Yeah."

Sigh. I need to sell my house ... soon.

I recently read an article about a study regarding caffeine as a sexual stimulant:

"[Researchers] gave 108 female rats a moderate dose of caffeine before a mating test to determine if the caffeine had any effect on female mating behavior. They found that administration of caffeine shortened the amount of time it took the females to return to the males after receiving an ejaculation, suggesting that the females were more motivated to be with the male rats."

The article went on to speculate that caffeine exposure could also affect sexual motivation in other female mammals, such as humans.

You know what's sad? There are 108 female rats that are getting more action than I am... Hey, if they ever want to test this theory out on humans, I'm sooo there.