Please join me in prayer:

Dear Lord,

I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, what with war, poverty, hunger, AIDS, etc., but I have a *really* important request: I'd really like to win WPLJ's "Win a Valentine's Dinner with J.D. Fortune" contest.

Now, I don't ask for much, right? This would be such a simple request to grant. Poof! I'm having dinner with J.D. Double-poof! I'm carrying his baby. Er, that second one sorta goes against the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing, huh? Ok scratch that.

Maybe this is something you could take care of on your lunch hour, or on a cigarette break. If it helps, you don't even have to add anything extra -- like make me not break out in zits that night, or anything like that.

Anyway, thank you for your time. Oh, and if you could just let me know of your decision sooner, rather than later, that would be great. Thanks.

Amen.