Ok, so I was, like, sooooo wrong. Ace is a hottie.

Ace + Maria Diarrhea = total, unadulterated bliss.

I totally heart him.

So I just started watching this season's "American Idol." I would have watched it sooner, but I refuse to watch the episodes in which they give the no-talent, fame-seeking idiots any camera time. I hate that all they have to do is be awful, and they get what they want. (Man, I am getting old and cranky...)

So anyway, I watched last night, as the 12 female contestants belted out their first songs for viewers to judge. Some were good; some were bad. But the bad ones were all -- all -- gorgeous. How did they make it through? Why weren't any of the awful ones ugly? Would they have gotten through had they been? Why is, say, Becky O'Donohue in the running? She can't sing! Oh, right, she's gorgeous. She's also a former Maxim cover girl and "Fear Factor" contestant. I smell a reality-TV-addicted rat.

And what a double standard for the men. With the exception of Chris Daughtry, who has replaced Bo Bice as the hottest "American Idol" ever, they're not exactly eye candy. (I take issue with those who say Ace Young is cute. Yeah, if, like, you totally, like, live in the O.C.)

My favorites so far: Chris (natch) and Paris Bennett, who I totally want to adopt so I can just have her sing for me all the time. She is so cute!

Who're you rooting for?

Ok, so on my new favorite show, "Grey's Anatomy," George, the lovable schlub, is totally in love with Meredith, the main character, who's also the object of McDreamy's affection.

And I'm thinking, why? Sure, Meredith is pretty. Sure, she's smart -- she's going to be a doctor. But she's also self-involved, annoying and whiny. So why do George and McDreamy love her so? At first, George's crush was cute. But after seeing how she treated him -- barely acknowledging his presence -- I don't get it.

I know they're just characters, but I think it speaks to the larger issue -- what the hell men are thinking. Why are some men so attracted to some women, even though the woman may be unworthy of that attraction? An old friend of mine, "Cindy," is a nice girl. She's reasonably attractive, not unintelligent, with a good job. She is also one of the most irritatingly annoying people you'll ever meet. She never stops talking -- and it's always about herself. She's completely self-involved. Yet she gets boyfriend after boyfriend. When the relationship ends, it's because she broke it off, not them. Then they inevitable try to win her back. What's up with that? Why all this interest in her? What does she have that drives these men nuts?

Men have always been difficult to understand, but when you see a good guy, like George, going gaga over a woman, like Meredith, who doesn't deserve him, you gotta wonder what's going on. And what's a normal gal gotta do to get some of that action?

So I wanted to post a picture of the 22 inches (!) of snowfall we got this weekend, but I'm having trouble with the photo, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

Just picture me covered in white stuff (snow, not cocaine ... you're thinking of last year), shoveling the sidewalk around a house that's not even mine, getting into arguments with neighbors for something that was, well, my fault, then walking around all day in a bad mood because (1) I was cold, (2) I was sick, and (3) I had no chocolate, then apologizing to said neighbor, then nearly slipping and cracking my head open on the ice that's formed because it's been cold since it snowed, which we're all bitching about because, for the first time in the history of the world, it's been a mild one with no snow, but we're all secretly happy because we get to finally use the cute little black snow boots we bought on sale at Kohl's (ok, that's just me), then realizing this sentence has gone one for 140 words (143 if you count the numbers) and that breaks all the grammar rules I hold near and dear to my heart.

Yeah, picture that.

If you're not a "Grey's Anatomy" fan, well, you're cra-zee.

My favorite line in last night's episode -- and of any television program since ... ever:

"George, stop looking at my va-jay-jay"
-- Bailey to George, after he comments on how much hair the baby she's delivering has.

Please, please, please ... get thee to Blockbuster and rent the first season on DVD. Then, when you're totally hooked, wait with baited breath for season two to come out. Then, buy yourself a TiVo so you never miss an episode. It's that good, people. It's that good.

And if you are already a fan, check out the Grey's Anatomy blog: http://www.greyswriters.com. Shonda Rhimes is my hero.

Please join me in prayer:

Dear Lord,

I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, what with war, poverty, hunger, AIDS, etc., but I have a *really* important request: I'd really like to win WPLJ's "Win a Valentine's Dinner with J.D. Fortune" contest.

Now, I don't ask for much, right? This would be such a simple request to grant. Poof! I'm having dinner with J.D. Double-poof! I'm carrying his baby. Er, that second one sorta goes against the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing, huh? Ok scratch that.

Maybe this is something you could take care of on your lunch hour, or on a cigarette break. If it helps, you don't even have to add anything extra -- like make me not break out in zits that night, or anything like that.

Anyway, thank you for your time. Oh, and if you could just let me know of your decision sooner, rather than later, that would be great. Thanks.

Amen.

"Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears."
--Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11227487/

My niece, who's in the second grade, goes to public school. The other day, there was a flyer sent home with her usual stack of dead trees. The flyer was from an evangelical Christian group, offering bible classes at the school after school hours.

So my brother and I debated (because that's what we do). On one side (my brother's), this is a violation of church-state separation. There's no gray area -- it's wrong, and needs to be stopped. On the other side (mine), as long as the class is not publicly funded and is voluntary, it's ok. I'm as big a proponent of church-state separation as anyone, but if it's not harmful, then why stop it just for the sake of stopping it, just because we can?

But then my sister-in-law brought up a good question: Who are the people holding the classes? Are they licensed? Have their backgrounds been checked? Have they been fingerprinted, as teachers are? After all, they're going to have access to a school full of children. Can they be trusted?

So while my sister-in-law was going to bring it to the PTO's attention, my brother was going to "go have a chat" with the school principal. I'm taking donations now. What's a typical bail amount these days?

I recently read an article about genital plastic surgery, and how it's one of the industry's fastest-growing surgeries.

Really? I don’t have enough body-image issues that I now have to worry about how my vagina looks? And since when do men care? Are they really going to be sitting at the bar, having a couple of drinks, and break out with "Dude, I hear she has a really nice labia"?

People got too much time and money on their hands. Seriously.