Transportation from NJ to NYC: $12

Crappy lunch at TGI Friday's: $32

Two tickets to "Beauty & the Beast" on Broadway: $116

Seeing niece get more excited about the Sour Patch Kids she ate on the train ride home than the whole freakin' play: Priceless

Ok, so one day last week, I walked into the bathroom at work, and on the floor of one of the stalls was a roach trap with the largest cockroach in it I had ever seen. I'm telling you, you could have slapped a saddle on this baby and ridden it home.

I was talking to the building manager about it, and she regaled me with a story about a friend of hers who also works in the building. This "friend" (uh-huh) was sitting on the toilet bowl when she felt something on her leg. She looks down to see this roach crawling on her leg. It was hiding under the seat!

I know you want me to stop now, but this is the best part:

So the "friend" totally freaks out, jumps off the bowl, hits her head on the stall door and passes out! So they had to call the paramedics, who went into the bathroom to help her out. Now, I know you've got the picture in your head, so I don't need to point out that she was using the bathroom when it happened, right? I don't need to mention that her underwear was probably down and she was mid-whatever? Ok, good, because I was a little uncomfortable about mentioning that.

And yes, I know this totally sounds like something that would happen to me, but it's not me, I swear. You know I'd soooo tell you. I have no shame.

Three more weeks until Spain ... yippee!

This is gonna hurt. I know it is. It hurts me to write it. But when you gotta tell the truth, you gotta tell the truth.

That new Paris Hilton song, "Stars are Blind"? I love it. Can't get it out of my head.

I know. It's Paris Hilton. Singing.

I can’t help it. I heart that song. It's pure poetry:

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you

I mean, yeah, it's a bit simple, but it's the summer, and if beach books can be read, why can't beach songs be heard?

And yes, the song is overproduced and manipulated, but that’s a plus ... really! We can all take comfort in the fact that we never have to hear her sing it live.

See, there's always a silver lining ... sometimes you just gotta really stretch for it.

I went home to LI this weekend, and on the way I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items. When I got home, I realized one of those sticky price tags had made its way onto my shirt. So for approximately 17 minutes, I was worth $2.19. Things are looking up.

I was on the train home yesterday when a word popped into my head: apoplexy. So I looked it up:

ap-o-plex-y: a sudden impairment of neurological function, especially resulting from a cerebral hemorrhage; a stroke.

So, of course, now I'm convinced it's going to happen to me. Because you know I'm a little psychic, right? I keep worrying so much about whether or not this'll happen that I'll probably cause it to happen.

And I'm just letting you know so I can say I knew it would.

I was in kickboxing class last night, and I was hitting the punching bag, going to town on it, really giving it my all. The instructor, who was on the other side of the bag holding it, said, "Any time you want, go ahead and hit it as hard as you can." I said, "I thought I was hitting it hard." He just laughed. And laughed. And laughed.