I don't know what's going on with the photo part of the blog -- I'm having so much trouble. But here's a little preview of what you'll see if you click here:



David: "What? I was just stretching.
It's purely a coincidence that it was
near the presents, I assure you..."

Claudia and David looking as cute as ever.

My favorite part of every dinner: dessert!

So Christmas is done. It's always so anticlimactic, isn't it? You wait weeks and weeks for it and -- Poof! -- it's over in less time than it takes to unwrap that third pack of jumbo socks.

I did great this year -- got lots of stuff from my wish list. As mentioned previously, I got a neat Swiss Army knife, a Rachael Ray cookbook and the Cranium Wow board game. Then, just when I thought it couldn't get better, I got resistance bands (because you know I've just been eating my way through the holidays...), gift cards and a 3-D puzzle. Have you seen these? They're the coolest! It's like a regular puzzle, but 3-D. Ok, duh. I didn't really need to explain that, did I? I think it's all the sugar that's gone to my head...

Anyway, so I had requested the Empire State Building puzzle, which is for beginners. Instead, I got the Capitol Building, which is an advanced puzzle. I always knew my mother secretly hated me... Anyway, I've been trudging away for the past couple of days. I'm not very far into it, but I think I've hit my groove. I'm documenting it in pictures so you can see what I'm up against...

But first, I've got pics of the Christmas Eve extravaganza. I'm having trouble posting them to the blog, so you'll have to click here to see them.

According to Galaxy Quiz's "How Are You Defined in the Dictionary?" quiz:

Maria
[noun]
A person who enjoys the smell of rotten eggs

How did they know? Ahh, I love the smell of rotten eggs in the morning.

Ugh, actually, I can't stand the smell of rotten eggs (who can?), especially of the movie variety. Like "Sweeney Todd," which I went to see this weekend. (Nice segue, huh?)

I love musicals. I love Johnny Depp -- in my opinion, he's one of the best actors of any generation. And while I don't think much of Helena Bonham Carter (though her Bellatrix Lestrange is way scary), I think she's a fine enough actress. But this movie sucked eggs, and rotten eggs at that.

It wasn't the performances -- they were fine. Or the directing -- Tim Burton can't really do much wrong. Or even the visuals -- the costume director deserves an Oscar for her work. But for some reason, it just didn't come together. I think it was the music. The songs are not exactly the kind you find yourself humming on a Sunday morning while cleaning the dust bunnies from the back of the TV stand. They were, how should I put it, "eh."

I dunno, maybe I'm just one of the masses and don't really get the "art" behind the film. But to me, movies should be enjoyable. If I'm going to spend a gazillion dollars at the movie theater, it's got to be something that entertains me. And this didn't.

What did entertain me was a movie I rented, "The Bourne Ultimatum." I wish I'd seen it in the theater (gazillion dollars notwithstanding), as it definitely is the kind of movie that kicks it on the big screen, but it still translated well to TV. Matt Damon is soooo good, and it's refreshing to watch an intelligent action movie that actually has a message. Oh, and Matt Damon is soooo hot.

I also saw the really good "Eastern Promises" with Viggo Mortensen. This is the one where he has a naked fight scene at a bathhouse. Nuff said.

Oh, and I saw "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." (I know, I really caught up on my movie-watching this weekend...) It was a really good adaptation, although now that I know how the series ends, there wasn't the sense of urgency as with previous films. Great special effects, though. Voldemort still scares the bejesus out of me. I can't stand Ralph Fiennes, and this did nothing to help his cause with me.

I was told I absolutely have to rent "Superbad," which I plan on doing this weekend. Unless I miraculously get a life.

And that, my friends, is my movie report. I'll follow up soon with stories/pics from the Christmas festivities.

So how are you defined in the dictionary?

To all my bloggites near and far, I wish you a joyous [insert holiday here] and the healthiest and happiest of new years!

Peace and love,

Maria Diarrhea

Know what I love most about Christmas? If you said "the joy of the season," you don't know me at all. What I love most about Christmas are the presents! (Really, did you expect anything else?)

I've already gotten several. Two were from far-away friends that I visited, so we opened our gifts together, and one was from my Secret Santa at work, so you can't really shame me for opening them. Oh, sure, I could have waited, but why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? (I love it when proverbs turn out to have meanings that actually work for me...)

So my first gift was from Neets, who, among other things, gave me this neat Swiss Army knife:



I can now tweeze my eyebrows, pick my teeth and file my nails all at the same time. See, it's a time-saver! Neets, you're always so efficient ...

Next, my friend Janet got me what I think was a hint:



Way to go, Jazi! And yes, I will make recipe #187.

And last, but not least, my Secret Santa (aka Tasha) got me one of my favorite games of all time:



Ok, so I haven't actually played this one yet -- I'm saving it to play on Christmas day -- but I love all the other Cranium games, and I'm sure this will be no exception.

So far, you guys, the gifts have been spot-on. Great job! You're the best! (Have I flattered you sufficiently? Good. Now keep 'em coming.)

So I am now officially a Garden State resident. I went to the DMV this week to get my new license and plates. Only one problem: My plates start with WMD ... as in, weapons of mass destruction. It wouldn't be too much of a problem if there weren't an anti-Bush bumper sticker directly above it.

I took my niece and nephew to meet Santa yesterday at my church. (See all pics here.)

My nephew, David, kept reminding me that it was Santa, not Santa Claus. See, Santa Claus is the real one, and he's waaaaay too busy. He's got all those toys to make and deliver, all the elves to supervise, the reindeer to feed. He doesn't have time to sit with all the world's little boys and girls. Instead, he sends one of his helpers, who's just named Santa. He covers for Santa Claus when he's too busy. Never, ever call him Santa Claus, because he's not.

Anyway, so they met Santa (not Claus), and David kept telling him to "stooooopppp." When I asked him why he was telling Santa (not Claus) to stop, he said, "He keeps staring at me." He was a little freaked out, and I wonder if he would feel the same way if he thought it was Santa Claus. I'm sure he'd be like, "Yo, Santa Claus, can I get you a soda? Here you go. Hungry? Want a cookie? I just happened to have baked a fresh batch. How about a foot massage? Can I interest you in that? Yes? Great, let me take care of that for you. Oh, by the way, have you seen the new Nintendo DS system..."

I'm back from sunny Florida. And man, am I cold! There's a reason why northerners go south for the winter. Yikes.

So I went to visit my friend Neets:



It was her birthday when I arrived. You know, we were born the same year, but she's five years older than me. I wonder how that happened...



We spent most of the time doing my favorite thing -- shopping. Florida has the best stores. It doesn't hurt that it's always sunny and warm. Nothing like that kind of weather to get the purse strings to loosen...



We also went to the beach, which was so clean and so beautiful:



Oh, and of course we played with her doggie, Pippin. And no, he didn't eat my toes. Good doggie!



Have I teased you sufficiently? Well, then click here to see all the pics. You'll see why I was thisclose to having all my stuff shipped down.

Not sure what to get me for Christmas? I wouldn't turn this down. Or this. Or this or this or this. And especially not this.

You might also find something on my Amazon Wish List.

I'm just sayin'. No pressure. :-)

Woo hoo! Tomorrow I will be in sunny Florida, visiting Neets. We'll be hanging by the pool, drinking margaritas (ok, more like diet soda) and talking about those crazy teenagers on MTV. It'll be just like the Golden Girls. Except that the Golden Girls got some action now and again.

I got her dog, Pippin, a doggy toy in the hopes that he won't chew my toes off. Actually, he's quite a cute doggy, and I know he's not going to eat my toes. I just have this completely irrational fear of walking barefoot around dogs, like they'll go over to my feet and gnaw at my toes. I don't know where the fear came from, but just add it to my list of "quirks." Although last time I visited Neets, I actually did walk around barefoot for just a little ... but then I freaked out and put socks back on. As if he can't bite through the socks, or that he would even do it. Sheesh. I need help, I know.

Anyway, if I'm not too sloshed from all the diet sodas, I'll try to take some pics.

I complain every so often about a range of things -- my boss, my health, my family -- but I have to say, I've truly been blessed in my life.

We're doing a Secret Santa at work, and I had to come up with a list of things I want from my Secret Santa, and you know, I couldn't come up with anything. I have pretty much everything I need and most things I want. Eventually, I was able to put a list together (you can see it here -- hint, hint), but these are just things I'm picking for the sake of picking something.

I have a wonderful family that (most of the time) brings me joy and (almost always) helps when the chips are down. I've got a great job, even if I am less than enamored with it lately. I've got great friends, some of whom even let me vacation at their warm-weather homes (that's a shout out to you, Neets!). I've got my health, which, although spotty this past year, is still a lot better than a lot of people's. All in all, one darn lucky person.

And so I will try to keep this all in mind as I b*tch about the lines at the stores or the annoying Christmas carols that I can't get out of my head (that stupid "Feliz Navidad" -- argh!). Oh, I kinda complained already, didn't I? Oops. My badness.

Just a little something to get you in the holiday spirit:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1117168433

I'm the one on the left.

Enjoy!