"A creative fan got up close and personal with Hugh Grant at the Amsterdam premiere of his new film, 'Music & Lyrics,' on Friday night. The fan managed to get near the British actor and handcuffed herself to him. Police and emergency fire rescue had to be called in order to cut off the handcuffs. The young lady was later detained by police but released without serving time in jail."

Why didn't I think of this? Oh, yeah, because it's crazy.

My friend Neets said I was not completely forthcoming in my last post. As she so kindly pointed out, "Murder, She Wrote" is among the least embarrassing programs I've been addicted to. Sadly, she is right. I've canceled plans with friends in order to watch much-worse shows. (Remember, though, this was before TiVo ... so I had no choice! I mean, what was I going to do, miss them? Pshaw.)

So, because I have no shame, here is the real list of TV shows I can't help but love. Try not to judge me too harshly. It's a sickness to love this much suckitude.

"Matlock" -- Come on, are you gonna tell me that just the sight of Andy Griffith doesn't make you feel better? It's like pop-culture comfort food, people.

"JAG," about a group of Judge Advocates General. I watch it a lot in reruns. The best thing about the show is that it spawned the spin-off "NCIS."

"The District," which followed the work and personal life of the chief of Washington, D.C.'s Metropolitan Police Department, played by Craig T. Nelson ("Coach"). Sounds like it could be good, right? Yeah, it really wasn't. Which isn't to say I don't enjoy it. The only problem is that reruns are on the same time as "JAG"'s, so I have to switch off on which one to TiVo. Decisions, decisions. Life is hard.

"Stargate SG-1," a sci-fi show about a team of "explorers" that use a network of ancient Stargates, which enable interplanetary travel, to defend Earth from the Goa'uld and other alien threats. I know it sounds hokey, but it's actually quite ... oh, who am I kidding? It's totally cheesy. I love it.

"Viper," an action-adventure TV series about a special task force set up by the federal government to fight crime in fictional Metro City, Calif. The weapon used by the task force is an assault vehicle that masquerades as a Dodge Viper RT/10 roadster and coupe. A poor man's version of "Knight Rider." (And here you thought "Knight Rider" was the poor man's version...)

"Diagnosis Murder" -- This, by far, is the most embarrassing. (Yes, even more so than "Viper" -- at least that was meant to be cheesy.) Here, the plot centered around Dr. Mark Sloan (Dick Van Dyke), a renowned physician who occasionally worked for the police department as a consultant. Riiiight, because being a "renowned physician" wasn't keeping him busy enough. But I love Dick Van Dyke -- he's like Andy Griffith; you can't help but feel good at the sight of him.

There, it's all out in the open. Now that wasn't so bad, was it? I feel much better having gotten that all out there.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got a couple of "Columbo"s to catch up on...

I just got over this awful stomach bug that's been going around, and man, it really knocked me out. It was all I could do to lift my head off the pillow.

So I pretty much spent four days on the couch, sleeping. Ok, that's not true. I spent most of it watching "Murder She Wrote" marathons.

Hm, should I have admitted that? Probably not. But I love myself some Jessica Fletcher. Isn't Angela Lansbury just the coolest old lady? "Murder She Wrote" is like a warm, fuzzy blanket. I can't help but feel calm and reassured when I watch it.

I'd say it's a guilty pleasure, but there's no real reason to feel guilty about it. At least, not like when I used to watch "VIP," that Pamela-Anderson-as-private-detective show. Um, ok, now that I'm fairly certain I shouldn't have admitted...

I'm sorry, was there a football game on last night? I was busy watching commercials ...

Ok, I'm lying. I was totally psyched the Colts beat the Bears, if only because I'm a sucker for underdogs. The fact the game was so tight for most of it only made it more interesting. But really, it's all about the commercials.

My faves:

Budweiser, "Rock." Who knew a game of "rock, paper, scissors" could be so dangerous.

Blockbuster, "Mouse." I'm sure the folks at PETA hated it, but I thought it was hysterical.

Snickers, "Manly." Yes, it was homophobic, but funny nonetheless. And really, it made fun of what idiots men can be. "Quick, let's do something manly." I can totally picture that happening.

Bud Light, "Class." I love Carlos Mencia, so this ad, where he teaches an ESL class, was likely to be entertaining for me. I also liked the one where he tells his girlfriend's friends all the things she's been saying about them behind their backs. Ok, so if that actually happened to me, I'd be really pissed, but it's TV, so who cares? It's funny.

Budweiser, "Dogs." Sooooo cute. I totally wanted to adopt that dog.

I also liked the one about Black History Month. It was sentimental, which you don't really look for in Super Bowl commercials, but it was nice. Of course, the fact that it was followed by men bashing each other in pursuit of a ball didn't exactly help.

This was on a friend's blog, but I can't resist sharing:

Um, I'm not quite sure what I'd do if I walked in to this on a Monday morning...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson

Wow. How amazing is that quote? I heard it first in "Akeelah and the Bee," and it stuck with me. "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." This is especially true of women. All young girls should be read this quote. Let's stop the "marginalization of women" and remind girls that it's ok -- actually, encouraged -- to be strong, powerful, opinionated.