I was reading a magazine article about how high-waisted jeans are the "in" fashion thing right now, and it got me to thinking: Remember all those styles that we thought were soooo in, but now, looking back, were completely horrendous?

I'm talking leggings -- or, even better, leggings with stirrups! The horror!

How about the socks-worn-outside-the-pants craze from the mid-'80s?

Or the sweatshirts with one shoulder exposed. (Thanks, "Flashdance.")

Then there was the "Relax, Don't Do it" and "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" t-shirts. Remember how huge they were? I had one that said "Feed the World" that could have clothed the world. Ugh, I shudder at the thought.

I won't even go into all the Madonna fads.

What were we thinking? And, years from now, what will we think of what we're wearing right now?

I watched "Akeelah and the Bee" this weekend, a nice, sweet film about an inner-city girl who makes it all the way to the national spelling bee. It's a cute story. Of course, I cried -- big surprise. But that got me thinking about how I love to cry at movies. You know how sometimes you just need a good cry, not for any reason other than just because? And you know how you feel tons better afterwards? Well, here's a list of my favorite tearjerkers -- movies that are sure to gets those tears flowing:

"Bridges of Madison County" -- That scene where she's in the car with her husband, and she sees Clint's car, and has to fight not to run out to him? Heartbreaking.

"The Notebook" -- This entire movie made me cry, but no part more than when James Garner says goodbye to his wife as she's dying. I'm crying right now just thinking about it.

"Whale Rider" -- If you have not yet seen this movie, please run out and get it. It's one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. I didn't cry until three-quarters of the way through it, but then I couldn't stop.

"Life is Beautiful" -- If you don't cry at this movie, you're not human.

"Schindler's List" -- If you don't cry at this movie, you're not human.

"Steel Magnolias" -- That cemetery scene kills me.

"Fried Green Tomatoes" -- It's not a tearjerker per se, but it still gets me.

"Beaches" -- Yes, it was manipulative in its sappiness. Still cried.

"Jerry Maguire" -- Back when I was still watching Tom Cruise movies.

I was sitting on the couch this weekend, trying to catch up on some TiVo'd shows. I was working my way through a bag of mixed nuts -- you know, the kind with the shells on them that require a nutcracker.

So there I was, trying to crack open a walnut. It was a little tough, so I really put some elbow grease into it. Well, I guess I put just a little too much, because the walnut opened with such force that a piece of the shell shot right up my nose.

No, you didn't read that wrong.

Let's just say that the next few minutes involved a pair of tweezers, a close-up mirror and a steady hand.

Talk about having a stuffed-up nose. Ba-dum-pum.

I was watching "24" the other night -- Ok, how awesome was that?!? -- and there was a scene between Jack Bauer and Assad, the former terrorist. Assad tells Jack that "visitors" is terrorist code for "nuclear weapons," to which Jack replies, "nucular weapons?"

Yes, folks, "nucular" weapons. It was enough to tear me away from the storyline, if only for a moment.

How is it that the guy playing Assad, Alexander Siddig, who's Sudanese, can pronounce "nuclear" correctly, but Kiefer, from the good ol' US of A, can't? So all you immigrant haters, step down! It sorta puts a little wrench in your ideology when a foreigner can speak English better than an American, doesn't it?

But I digress.

Anyways, it got me thinking about other words and phrases that are mispronounced or misused that drive me crazy. So, since I love lists so much, here's a list of my linguistic pet peeves:

Possessive vs. Plural: People, this is the bane of my existence. You don't buy "egg's"; you buy "eggs." You don't read "Sundays paper"; you read "Sunday's paper." And, although I get the logic behind using "It's" instead of "Its" in phrases such as "The cat took its sweet time," it's is incorrect. "It's" means "it is" -- that's it.

Aunt vs. Ant. I'm an aunt, not an ant. Although I may sometimes look like one, I am not, in fact, an insect.

Irregardless: There's no such word. It's just "regardless."

Conversating: Again, there's no such word. What you're doing is conversing.

Axe vs. Ask: Please don't axe me. I like life. Why not try asking me?

The Disappearing "R": It's February and library, not Febuary and libary.

You vs. I: Or should that be you vs. me? Argh. There used to be a time when people used "me" when they should have used "I." They were corrected, so they overcompensated and now use "I" instead of "me." It's not always "you and I." If Mark gives cookies to Laura and me, he's given cookies to Laura and he's given them to me. He hasn't given them to Laura and I; he can't give cookies to I. Don't fight it.

I'm sure there are other things I can't think of at this moment, but these are the big ones. I'm just trying to make this planet a little better, one word at a time.

A couple of weeks ago, I lamented the start of a new year, because it meant another birthday on the way. What I neglected to realize at the time was that the new year also brings ... TV premieres!

That's right, several TV shows will either start or re-start their seasons. Sunday and Monday night: four new hours of "24"! Jack Bauer's back and ready to kick some terrorist a**.

Returning favorites include "Grey's Anatomy" (I've missed those Seattle Grace hotties) and, of course, "American Idol," the show I love to hate. (Or is that hate to love?)

Other shows starting soon include "Monk," everyone's number-one neurotic detective; "Psych," a new favorite; and "Nashville Star," the poor man's "American Idol."

Oh, and I'm all atizzy over Liev Schreiber temporarily joining "CSI" while Grissom, er, I mean William Peterson, goes all theater actor on us. "Damn you Grissom!"

So happy new year to all my TV-loving friends. Oh, darn it; there goes my resolution to get a boyfriend. Oh, well, I'd rather have TV. And yes, I know how sad that is.

So I found a church, an Episcopal one, in town. I've been there a couple of times now, and I do like it. For one, the priest (I'm not quite sure what to call him -- father? reverend?) is really nice. He makes sure to talk to everyone, and has made me feel very welcome. I also like his sermons, because they're very informal and current. I also like the Jesus-as-teacher-not-preacher mentality. The church serves the community through a nonprofit organization, so it's really more of a community-outreach church. I have to go a few more times before I decide whether it'll stick, but I think this might work out.

So that's one resolution down, three more to go. Well, two to go. I already blew the "be more patient" one. Now seriously, did anyone believe that would actually happen?

Well, it is a new year, which means new resolutions. I don't know how long these will last, but here's a list of the things I'd like to improve on, along with their difficulty rating (one star being the easiest):

I resolve to:

1. Be more patient. Especially with stupid people. Darg, I hate stupid people. But I will be better this year. I will try not to use sarcasm as a way to handle stupid people. And I will try not to let their stupidity get to me or get me down. Instead, I will realize that everyone, no matter how stupid, has a reason for being. ****

2. Go back to church. Every year, I toy with the idea of going back to church, and every year I remember why I don't: I don't agree with much of what the Catholic religion believes in. For one, I believe women should be allowed into the priesthood. Also, I don't agree that priests should remain celibate and single. And I disagree with their non-acceptance of gays (though, to be fair, that's pretty much the same in any established religion). But then I thought, why do I have to go to a Catholic church? There are other, more liberal, Christian denominations. After some research, I decided to give a local Episcopal church a try. I went yesterday, and it was nice. Much of the mass was just like Catholic mass, so I didn't feel too out-of-place. And the rector was nice and introduced me to everyone at mass. Plus, the church is very active in the community, especially through a nonprofit foundation that helps the homeless and developmentally disabled in the area. This one should be easy to keep. *

3. Get a boyfriend. Hah, easier said than done, but this year, I will at least try. I will become active in community groups again, and will meet new people, and, bladder be damned, I will not have to "go to the bathroom" the next time a cute guy tries to talk with me! No more! *****

4. Get fit. Yes, it's the old standby, the one everyone mentions. Doesn't mean I can't use it, though, right? ***

Now, let's see how many of those are still in play in a month or so...

Happy new year!!!

Last week I shared my list of Best of 2006. This week, I give you my list of the year's worst:

Song: "London Bridge," Fergie. "How come every time you come around, My London, London bridge, wanna go down like, London, London, London, wanna go down like, London, London, London, we goin’ down like..." Huh? You know, it takes a lot to beat Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind" in this category...

Web site: PerezHilton.com. I'm sure it's not the worst site out there, but it's so horribly addictive -- and without any redeeming qualities (ain't it great?) -- that I can't stop!

TV show: "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." No, it's not the worst show on TV, but it was the biggest disappointment. Maybe Aaron Sorkin should go back on drugs. (Sorry, that was mean.) I have loved, loved, loved every single one of his other shows, and I was so looking forward to this one. I mean, Matthew Perry, back on TV! How could I not love the show? But it's so obvious and preachy. It would help if I liked any of the characters on the show, but they're so, I don't know, unlikable. There's not one character I'd like to be "friends" with. What a letdown.

Movie: "The Breakup." That's two hours of my life I'll never get back. I didn't think it would be possible to make Vince Vaughn unappealing, but there you go.

Book: "The Alchemist." Yes, I know it didn't come out this year, but that's when I read it, so... And yes, millions of people have found it inspirational, blah blah blah. Bo-ring. I think it was the only book I read this year that I didn't like. And considering how many books I read, that's saying something.

Store: Sigh. Target. Y'all know why. Don't make me rehash the whole sordid tale.

Well, that's my list. And that's all for this year. I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year. See you in 2007. Peace.

I hate Christmas, because when it's over, it means another year is upon us, which means another birthday is on its way. Eek.

Instead, I'm going to focus on the positive -- presents! I got the best presents this year! Yes, I know Christmas is about spending time with the family, but, hey, that's pretty much every weekend at our house. What's different about Christmas? Yes, that's right -- presents!

Here's a rundown of what I got (in no particular order):

Nike + iPod -- this is the coolest thing. I connect it to my sneakers and my iPod and it becomes a personal fitness trainer. It tracks how many miles I walk, how many calories I've burned, etc. It even "talks" to me, giving me motivational messages. Actually, it's a little creepy. LOL.

A beautiful silver bracelet, the proceeds of which were donated to ovarian cancer research. So it's a gift that gives twice. I tried to take a picture, but it kept giving too much flash, so you'll just have to take my word for it -- it's gorgeous.

"Tell No One," by Harlan Coben. I just started reading it, but it seems like a pretty good murder mystery so far.

A beautiful Pashmina shawl from the gals at work.

An iPod radio. It's an iPod player, it's an alarm clock -- it's iHome2Go!

A cake plate, a portable pie plate and a pie-crust shield. Trying to tell me something?

A 2007 "George W. Bushisms" daily calendar. That'd be 365 days of funny if it weren't 365 days of true.

A car emergency travel kit.

A box of Godiva.

Good job everyone! I don't know how you're going to top that next year ... you've set the bar pretty high. Better start planning now ...

To see the Diarrhea family Christmas extravaganza, click here. Don't let the first pic frighten you!

Grrr. People are rude.

So I'm at work the other day (Friday, to be exact), and some dude from another department comes over to our group and proceeds to tell each person individually that there's a bunch of food in his area. That is, he told everyone except me. Instead, he told the person in the cubicle in front of mine that she was free to "tell your friend, because I'm not going to" ... and he punctuated it with a dismissive wave of his hand. Nice.

Now, I just want to point out that I don't know this guy. I mean, I've seen him around, but I've never so much as spoken two words to him. We're not in the same group, and our two groups never have any reason for interaction. I've just never given him much thought, good or bad. So I was a little taken aback, since it was such an overt way of dismissing me. It's not that he forgot -- it's that he wanted to make a point of not inviting me.

So I mentioned this to someone else in the office. I wanted to know if I'd said or done something of which I had no idea. Turns out, the guy dislikes me because I don't speak Spanish to other Spanish-speaking people in the office. Seriously. He's ticked off because I speak English in the office, even to other Spanish-speaking people.

Is that wrong? Why should I be forced to speak Spanish with someone just because we both speak the language? First of all, I can be a bit self-conscious about my Spanish. I've been here most of my life, so even though I consider myself fluent in Spanish, I recognize that I make a few mistakes, and I know for certain I have an American accent, so I tend to shy away from speaking Spanish to someone I don't know, for fear they'll make fun of me. And second of all, why is that wrong? If I know you, and I choose to speak Spanish to you, fine. But if I don't, should that be held against me? Does that make me a bad person? a person unworthy of free food?

I don't think so, but this guy obviously does. I won't lose any sleep over it, but I have to admit that it did bother me a bit. It just seems so idiotic, and it did sting a bit to be singled out in front of coworkers.

Am I wrong?

2006, we hardly knew ya. Can you believe the year is almost over? It seemed like just yesterday I was sitting on my couch, trying to come up with a name for this blog. Maria Farteria -- that's just stupid. But Maria Diarrhea? Pure genius.

Anyhoo, here's my list of the year's best:

Song: "SexyBack" -- Because, seriously, those other boys don't know how to act. Yeah.

Web site (besides this one, of course): YouTube -- Endless fun.

TV Show (tie): "Grey's Anatomy," "Survivor" -- I loved "Grey"'s for its watercooler-ness, and "Survivor" for introducing the world to Yul, the hottest ... castaway ... ever.

Movie: "An Inconvenient Truth" -- Al Gore and PowerPoints, whodathunk that would be the hottest pairing (pardon the pun) in 2006?

Book: "Wicked." Seriously, read this book. I can't wait to see the play. (Hint. Hint.)

Store: Border's, because they have Seattle's Best Coffee, which serves America's best hot chocolate. It's yum-oh.

Next week, find out my pics for the worst of 2006.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas and it's 52 degrees outside! It's just not right. I'm sorry, but I can't get into a holiday mood when it's so warm outside I don't have to wear a scarf or gloves. I just can't. It just doesn't seem holiday-ish.

I never thought I'd say this, but I hope it snows before Christmas. I hope I wake up on Christmas Eve to see at least two inches of snow. They call it "White Christmas" for a reason ...

My mom has a bird (name unknown - we just call him "the damn bird") that's about 7 years old. For about two of those years, the bird has been kept in the basement apartment, where my sister also resides.

My sister smokes over a pack a day. When she's home and on the computer, she's smoking pretty consistently.

And yet, somehow, the bird lives on.

The way I see it, this is proof that the warnings about secondhand smoke are a load of bunk. I mean, if SHS is so terribly, horribly unsafe, why is the bird still alive? I'm not saying smoking is good for you, or even that secondhand smoke isn't disgustingly annoying if you don't smoke (and sometimes even if you do), but if a little ol' bird can survive two years of nonstop SHS, can it really be so bad?

Oooh, I almost forgot the coolest thing. When we were driving back from Disney, we saw the space shuttle launch. It was so neat! Granted, we were pretty far away, so all we say was the vague outline of a rocket and this humongous flame out the back, but it was still pretty darn cool.

Well, I'm back from FLA. I had a great time, though it wasn't as warm as I thought and hoped it would be. On Friday, it was in the 50s! Now, I'm sorry, but when you go to Florida, you expect warmth, even in December.

Oh, ok, I won't complain. After all, I was in Florida. And I did have a fantastic time. I got there on Wednesday, and pretty much just vegged out and caught up with my friend Anita. On Thursday, we celebrated Anita's bday by getting massages and facials at a nearby spa. Sweet! On Friday, we vegged out some more, then drove to Disney on Friday night. We spent Saturday in the Magic Kingdom, then drove back Sunday morning. More vegging ensued, and I got home yesterday afternoon.

All in all, it was a really nice vacation -- got some rest, had lots o' fun, ate waaaay too much food (why do I always wind up saying that?).

If you're interested in seeing pics, click here.

I'm off to Florida tomorrow -- yippee! I'll be sure to say hi to Mickey and Goofy for you.

My Christmas wish list:

Tickets to "Wicked"
Pie storage container (so I can travel with my pies ... and no, that wasn't meant to sound dirty...)
Glass cake dome
Any iPod accessories -- I'd love one of those iPod radio/docking stations, in white. Oooh, and I'd really love an iPod remote, where I can control everything from the headphones ...
Any trivia board game, except Trivial Pursuit -- I've got pretty much every version of that one

Of course, if you're not sure, a gift card to Kohl's (not Target) will always work. See, I'm an easy person to shop for.

Now what are you waiting for? Get shopping!

I saw "An Inconvenient Truth" this weekend. A few observations:

1) Humans suck. We are killing the planet. This is especially true of Americans, who account for 30% of the world's waste! And there are really simple things we can do to turn this around. See www.climatecrisis.net for some ideas that won't kill you.

2) The media suck. The movie cited a study that looked at the number of articles in peer-reviewed journals that disproved global warming. The grand total? Zero. But the number of articles in consumer media that said global warming was made up? Over 200. I'm sure there's a really good reason for it, and that it's not just a byproduct of media conglomerates merging and controlling our news. Nooooo. That can't be.

3) Nerds get cuter as they age. Ok, so Al Gore wasn't exactly fugly when he was younger, but he's definitely always been a nerd. Same for Bill Gates -- he's not going to win any Sexiest Man Alive prizes, but he has grown into his nerdiness. I'm sure the gazillion dollars he's worth doesn't hurt, either.

4) It's got to be really frustrating to give the same speech over and over. I mean, doesn't Al every get tired of saying the same thing? There's got to be a time when he feels like going, "You know what, people? Just rent the damn video." It's also got to be frustrating to be so passionate about a topic and hear people say it's all bunk.

5) Documentaries have come a long way. Remember how boring they used to be? Ever since "Bowling for Columbine," they've really gotten entertaining. "Fahrenheit 911" was one of my faves, though "An Inconvenient Truth" and "Super Size Me" have jumped above it. "Spellbound" was also very good. I still haven't seen "March of the Penguins," though that's on my list. Any other good ones I should add to the list?

Folks, my heart has been broken. I just found out I can no longer shop at Target.

[Cue mad sobbing]

Let me explain.

I'm a union girl. I'm not actually in a union myself, but I'm a supporter of unions and laborers. Maybe it's because my dad was a union man. Or maybe just because unions support the regular working man, rather than big business. Either way, I have and always will be a union gal.

So I don't shop at Wal-Mart. Ever. No matter how much money I'd save. It's just not worth it to me to support a company that's anti-union. I don't eat at McDonald's anymore either -- though, to be honest, that has more to do with "Super Size Me" than the fact they're anti-labor. But still. They're anti-labor, and I don't eat there.

Issues are important to me. If a store is anti-labor, I won't shop there. It's my way of saying, "What you're doing is not ok." Yes, I'm only one person, and I'm sure my $17 won't mean a whole lot to them, but it means a lot to me.

So imagine my horror when I find out that Target has a policy that allows their pharmacists to refuse to fill out prescriptions for birth control for religious reasons.

It was a sad day, my friends. Sadder than the day I found out Brad really was involved with Angelina and it wasn't just a ruse so he could approach me without having all the world's media know about it.

Um, yeah, so anyway ... now I can no longer shop at Target, at least not until they amend their policy.

So when you send my Christmas gift, make sure the gift card's for another store.