Maria Diarrhea's Moviewatch:

It was a slow weekend in terms of movie-watching, thanks to my stupid sciatica kicking in. But I think I paid close-enough attention to these films to rate them:

"We Own the Night": Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg (sans the Funky Bunch) star in this tale of two brothers who, naturally, are on different sides of the law. Wahlberg is good as the cop, but Phoenix really shines as the "criminal." I put "criminal" in quotes because he never really does anything illegal, besides smoke some pot. Oooooh, watch out for him! Anyhoo, it's a good-enough film, but not something you absolutely have to see.

"Dan in Real Life": Now this one you really should see. It's such a nice movie. Steve Carrell is great as a widowed dad who has given up on finding love, then starts to fall in love with a woman (Juliette Binoche) who just happens to be the new girlfriend of his brother (Dane Cook). It's a little convoluted, and I didn't really buy Binoche as Cook's girlfriend, but the script and performances make up for the lapse in storyline. I have to admit, though, that I have a tough time separating Steve Carrell from his "The Office" character. Everything he does is so Michael Scott-ish. It's not a bad thing; I'm just sayin'.

I also caught "8 MM" on TV. It stars Nicolas Cage and Joaquin Phoenix. Cage's character is a detective who's hired to find out whether a "snuff" film found in a deceased politician's safe is the real thing -- as in, was the person in the film really killed, or was it all just for show? It's an interesting premise, but the movie turns out to be pure crap -- just an excuse to show sexual deviants doing sexually deviant stuff. (Yes, I know I sound like a prude. Trust me, I'm not -- this movie is just that crappy.) Anyway, it's an older movie (Oh, lord ... now even I'm considering '90s movies old -- what does that make me?!?). Well, I don't know why I even bothered watching it, except that it was on HBO and there was absolutely nothing else on TV. There's nothing remotely interesting about this movie. I don't particularly like Cage to begin with, but I do like Joaquin Phoenix and thought I'd give it a looky-loo. Really, the movie stunk. No need to see this if you haven't already.

And that's this week's edition of Maria Diarrhea's Moviewatch. Stay tuned next week for (I hope) "There Will Be Blood" and "Into the Wild." I might also see "The Kite Runner," though that's iffy because I read the book and don't want to ruin that memory of it. We'll see. I'm sure you'll be waiting with bated breath.