I'm off to Florida tomorrow -- yippee! I'll be sure to say hi to Mickey and Goofy for you.

My Christmas wish list:

Tickets to "Wicked"
Pie storage container (so I can travel with my pies ... and no, that wasn't meant to sound dirty...)
Glass cake dome
Any iPod accessories -- I'd love one of those iPod radio/docking stations, in white. Oooh, and I'd really love an iPod remote, where I can control everything from the headphones ...
Any trivia board game, except Trivial Pursuit -- I've got pretty much every version of that one

Of course, if you're not sure, a gift card to Kohl's (not Target) will always work. See, I'm an easy person to shop for.

Now what are you waiting for? Get shopping!

I saw "An Inconvenient Truth" this weekend. A few observations:

1) Humans suck. We are killing the planet. This is especially true of Americans, who account for 30% of the world's waste! And there are really simple things we can do to turn this around. See www.climatecrisis.net for some ideas that won't kill you.

2) The media suck. The movie cited a study that looked at the number of articles in peer-reviewed journals that disproved global warming. The grand total? Zero. But the number of articles in consumer media that said global warming was made up? Over 200. I'm sure there's a really good reason for it, and that it's not just a byproduct of media conglomerates merging and controlling our news. Nooooo. That can't be.

3) Nerds get cuter as they age. Ok, so Al Gore wasn't exactly fugly when he was younger, but he's definitely always been a nerd. Same for Bill Gates -- he's not going to win any Sexiest Man Alive prizes, but he has grown into his nerdiness. I'm sure the gazillion dollars he's worth doesn't hurt, either.

4) It's got to be really frustrating to give the same speech over and over. I mean, doesn't Al every get tired of saying the same thing? There's got to be a time when he feels like going, "You know what, people? Just rent the damn video." It's also got to be frustrating to be so passionate about a topic and hear people say it's all bunk.

5) Documentaries have come a long way. Remember how boring they used to be? Ever since "Bowling for Columbine," they've really gotten entertaining. "Fahrenheit 911" was one of my faves, though "An Inconvenient Truth" and "Super Size Me" have jumped above it. "Spellbound" was also very good. I still haven't seen "March of the Penguins," though that's on my list. Any other good ones I should add to the list?

Folks, my heart has been broken. I just found out I can no longer shop at Target.

[Cue mad sobbing]

Let me explain.

I'm a union girl. I'm not actually in a union myself, but I'm a supporter of unions and laborers. Maybe it's because my dad was a union man. Or maybe just because unions support the regular working man, rather than big business. Either way, I have and always will be a union gal.

So I don't shop at Wal-Mart. Ever. No matter how much money I'd save. It's just not worth it to me to support a company that's anti-union. I don't eat at McDonald's anymore either -- though, to be honest, that has more to do with "Super Size Me" than the fact they're anti-labor. But still. They're anti-labor, and I don't eat there.

Issues are important to me. If a store is anti-labor, I won't shop there. It's my way of saying, "What you're doing is not ok." Yes, I'm only one person, and I'm sure my $17 won't mean a whole lot to them, but it means a lot to me.

So imagine my horror when I find out that Target has a policy that allows their pharmacists to refuse to fill out prescriptions for birth control for religious reasons.

It was a sad day, my friends. Sadder than the day I found out Brad really was involved with Angelina and it wasn't just a ruse so he could approach me without having all the world's media know about it.

Um, yeah, so anyway ... now I can no longer shop at Target, at least not until they amend their policy.

So when you send my Christmas gift, make sure the gift card's for another store.

Would you wear someone else's underwear? (Assuming it's clean, of course.)

My mom bought a bunch of underwear. She tried them, but didn't like the fit, so she was going to throw them out. She offered them to my sister, who wouldn't take them because my mom had worn them once. (She'd since washed them, of course.)

My sister says it's gross and wouldn't wear them. I say it's ok, because they've been washed and it's our mom.

I mean, when we shop, we try clothes on -- and god knows how many people have tried those on... Yes, I know this is slightly different. After all, it's our hoohahs we're talking about.

What do you think? Would you wear your mom's underwear, provided she'd washed it (and provided it's not, like, 40 sizes too big and covered in bunnies and flowers)?

So you know I love "Grey's Anatomy." I love everything about it. It's totally my fave show right now. But last night's show bothered me, and I can't get over it.

What has my panties all in a bunch? The whole "chicken and pig," "ham and eggs" thing, that's what.

Seriously, what was that all about? What does it even mean? Did you understand the saying and what it has to do with commitment?

It really bothered me. It did.

It's just that "Grey's" is such a smartly written show. The characters are flawed. Heck, even its main character is easy to hate (at least by me). I'm sure they could have come up with a better analogy than "ham and eggs." It just seemed like the writers were trying too hard to come up with another catchphrase.

Of course, this won't stop me from watching the show -- I'll still suck it up like Hasselhoff.

I went to see "Bodies" this weekend. Have you heard of this? It's an exhibition of real human bodies in various stages. The bodies were donated to science, and they've taken them and stripped them of their skin, etc., to show what the human body is really like.

I have to admit, I was nervous to go at first. I'm a bit squeamish, so I wasn't sure I'd be able to take being up close with real cadavers. But it was so well done, and so fascinating, that I wasn't really bothered much. Of course, my sister and I acted like 12-year-old girls and giggled at seeing their whatnots. Yeah, we need to grow up.

In addition to full bodies, the exhibit also featured individual organs, both healthy and diseased. So I was able to see what a thyroid looks like, and then what thyroid cancer looks like. It was pretty eye-opening (and, that part at least, a bit disturbing).

The exhibit travels to various cities (it leaves NYC in December), so if one comes to a city near you, I strongly recommend you check it out. If you Google their name, you can find more info. If you do wind up going, let me know what you think.

Well, despite a bad back and an even worse cold, I completed the breast cancer walk in Central Park this weekend. It was pretty amazing to see not just women, but men, kids, even dogs, walking for a cure. There were emotional times, like the cancer quilt and seeing women with "Survivor" t-shirts on, but all in all, it was a nice, leisurely walk through the park.

Thanks to all of you who donated. With your generosity, I was able to raise $485. Our team raised $1,700, $1,000 of which our company will match -- meaning we raised a total of $2,700!

So thanks again. Maybe you'll join the walk next year...

I blog, therefore I am.

Lately, I have not ammed.

I'm a bad blogger. Bad blogger. I know. But I've been so busy with work. You'll forgive me, yes? I'll blog again soon, I promise. Let's just pretend I'm on vacation. That might make the separation a little easier on both of us.

I'll definitely blog again in time to post how the breast cancer walk went, and how much I -- no, we -- raised.

Hang in there!

This year I'm participating in the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk.

Making Strides is a non-competitive walk that takes place in more than 100 cities across the country. There's no registration fee and no fundraising minimum, which means more people can participate.

I'm asking you to please support me with a donation of any amount. Whether it's $5 or $500, every bit truly does help.

Click here to visit my personal page and make a donation.

Thanks!

I went to a psychic this past weekend. I don't really believe in psychics. Well, it's not that I don't believe in them. I do believe that real psychic ability exists. I just don't believe in the legitimacy of the majority of those who do it as a career.

So anyway, I went to a "psychic" this weekend. I had been to her once before, and she was dead on with everything she said, so I was excited to go again and see what had changed, what to expect in the lovey-dovey department, etc. Guess what? She told me the same thing she did last time, even used the same language. And when I say it was the same, I mean the exact same. I was a bit disappointed. Not that I thought she had actual powers, but ... oh, who am I kidding, of course I did! She was so right about everything last time! She sucks, and now I hate her! Boo!

Talk about a letdown. Now I'll have to find another psychic. Just kidding ... I'm done with them. Though if John Edwards happened to knock on my door ...

fatorexic* (fat-uh-rek-sik)
adjective
a person suffering from a psychological disorder characterized by distorted self-image, in which the person believes she/he is thinner than she/he actually is.

We've all seen them: the women (and sometimes men) who dress completely inappropriately for their body type. You know, like the rather large woman who walks down your block in a cut-off T-shirt and short-shorts, or the portly man walking on the beach wearing a Speedo.

I don't know about you, but when I see someone in an outfit that's just completely, well, wrong, I ask myself, "What on Earth are they thinking?"

Is it that they just don't care what they look like -- good taste be damned, they're going to wear that short slip dress because it's just so cute? Or is it they think they're thinner than they really are?

Every once in a while, I'll look in the mirror and think, "I look good in this outfit." Then someone (usually a family member, of course) will tell me the outfit makes me look fat, or that the skirt is too short and makes my legs look too "meaty." Yet I think I look good in it.

I wonder if fatorexics go through the same thing. Do they look in the mirror and think, "Damn, this bra-less halter top really makes my size 44DD breasts look fabulous"? Or have they just resigned themselves to the fact that that's what they look like and that's what they're gonna wear, and if someone doesn't like it, too bad?

*Yes, I just made this up.

From the BBC:

U.S. Man Survives Chocolate Ordeal
A 21-year-old U.S. man ended up in the hospital after spending two hours trapped in a vat of chocolate, police in Wisconsin said on Friday. The man said he had climbed into the tank before becoming trapped waist-deep in chocolate, police chief Randy Berner told AP news agency. However, other reports suggest he was stirring the chocolate when he fell in. Rescue workers and staff at the Debelis Corporation used cocoa butter to thin out the chocolate and pull him free. "It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," Captain Berner said. "It's the first time I've ever heard of anything like this," he added. The worker said his ankles were sore after the incident, and he was taken to a local hospital where he is recovering. The accident involved dark chocolate.

I don't know what's funnier, the fact that they consider being stuck in a vat of chocolate an "ordeal" or that they felt the need to mention that it was dark chocolate.

I have 23 mosquito bites on my feet. That’s right, 23. Not on my body, just on my feet -- ankle down. I have no idea how I got them, but they itch like hell. I look diseased. I look gross. I look like my feet have the chicken pocks. I'd take a picture, but you might be eating and I don't wanna get sued for ruining your new outfit.

Worst part is, I can't get a pedicure until they go away. The horror!

So I looked my dream up online, and this is what it said:

"All sources pretty well agree that excrement (whether human or animal) in a dream represents money, wealth, profits or tangible value and is a lucky omen pertaining to material gain."

Considering it was a pork loin, I'm gonna be rollin' in it! And by "it," I mean money, not the pork loin.

I know this falls under the realm of TMI (waaaay TMI, I'm sure), but I had to share.

I had a dream last night that my poop was a pork loin. Yes, a pork loin. There was not much more to the dream. I basically just recall that it was a pork loin, and that I was in awe of the size and that it didn't hurt.

See, I told you it was TMI.

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to mee-ee
Happy birthday to me

As promised, pics from Spain: click here.

It's heaven on earth. But I do have one gripe: The "tradition" of telling me how fat I am continues! Me, carrying pastries onto the bus home: "Hi. How are you?" Random Spanish person: "Don't eat those! You don't need them." Loverly.

Or how about "Have you gained weight?" "A couple of pounds." "Really, that's it?"

Or, two old ladies commenting on my weight: "She's not fat, she just has big hips." "And at least she's proportionate. She's got meat everywhere." Ok, she was trying to be nice, so I'll cut her some slack.

Honestly, I've been called fat so many times I've lost count. Last year, when I was really thin, they still called me fat, so I can't win. Sigh. I'm going to go eat some ice cream.

I'm baaaaack.

I'll have pictures shortly. In the meantime, let me share this story with you. It's not from my trip, per se, but it is entertaining nonetheless.

In my second week of vacation, I get a call from my sister at 9 a.m. Spain time (3 a.m. here in the States). At first, I thought she had gotten into another car accident. (She tends to have them while our mom's on vacation.) Thankfully, that wasn't the case, though the story is still a bit disturbing.

She was calling because she had just gotten home after a few days at a work conference, and had gone to her basement apartment to find poop and pee on her bed. Yes, poop ... and pee ... on ... her ... bed. In the words of my brother after my sister called him, "What the?"

Turns out a stray cat had somehow gotten into the basement, but couldn't get back out, so the poor thing was stuck, with no food, no water and most likely scared out of its mind for about a week. Horrible!

The cat tried to eat our bird, which, thankfully, survived to tell (or chirp) the tale.

In the end, my brother came over and the two of them were able to get the cat to leave the house. They wanted to feed it before it went, but the cat took off -- no surprise there. I'm sure it was itching the get the heck out of there.

Well, that's the story. What are the chances? I tell you, this kind of stuff only happens to the Diarrhea family.

Anyway, I'll have pics of the trip soon. No exciting stories, I'm afraid. Just did a lot of beaching, eating, sleeping and a bit of shopping. All in all, a nice, relaxing vacation ... just what I needed.

Well, my friends, I am off to the Iberian Peninsula. I shall report back if anything major happens, like hooking up with a gorgeous European hottie. In other words, we'll catch up when I return.

Happy July! :-)