Yesterday was Dessert Day at work, and my banana pudding pie (no, that’s not a euphemism) was a big hit. So I thought I’d share the recipe here, because that’s what I do. I’m a giver. I give.

Banana Pudding Pie

1 Ready Crust, chocolate
1 package instant vanilla pudding
1 cup cold milk
1 tub (8 oz) thawed whipped topping
½ tsp vanilla
2 bananas, sliced
Chocolate shavings (or syrup)

In bowl, combine pie filling (pudding mix), milk, vanilla and half of the whipped topping. Mix until blended, thick.

Pour 1/3 of mixture into crust. Layer half of the sliced bananas on top. Cover with remaining filling. Chill 2 hours or overnight.

Garnish with other half of the bananas, whipped topping and chocolate savings (or syrup).

Enjoy!

I have hit a milestone: I’ve lost 35 lbs!

It’s funny, though. I don’t quite feel, psychologically, the way I thought I would. Of course, I’m happy and all that I’ve lost all that weight, and I feel better than I have in a really long time, but it’s been a weird feeling because I’m not as satisfied as I thought I’d be.

When I started Weight Watchers about a year and a half ago, I set the goal as a number I thought I’d be really happy with. I thought, wow, if I could get down to this weight, I’d really be happy with my body. But I still feel unsatisfied, still feel fat. I’m setting a new goal, another 10 lbs, but I wonder if that will make a difference either. When I get to that weight, will I still feel like I should lose yet another 10 lbs?

The best part of the weight loss has been going shopping for smaller clothes. But it’s been a struggle to get out of the “fat mentality.” I still keep trying on clothes in my old size, because that’s all I’ve known. I don’t even try clothes on in a medium, sometimes even a large, because I’m certain they’re not going to fit, so why make myself depressed? I’m so certain at the time that I will have turned out to just have been self-delusional about the weight loss, and when I try on those sizes, I will have proven myself right.

I’m not a skinny person -- I never will be. I have what they call “birthing hips.” (Hope to never put that to the test!) That’s why I set a goal I could live with. It’s not so low that it will only last two weeks, but not so high that it won’t make a difference to my health or how I feel about myself. But it turns out it’s still not enough. I love when people I haven’t seen in a while tell me I look great, or ask if I’ve lost a lot of weight. It feels great. But then I think: “Don’t get excited, Maria. You’re still as fat as you were. It’s just this particular outfit that makes you look thinner than you really are.”

I’m on my way to my second goal, and I wonder if that really will have an effect. Will those next 10 lbs be the ones that make me really change my attitude?

For those of you who haven't watched the season opener of "Lost," don't worry, I won't run it for you.

But for those who did watch it, did you catch the irony in the "We interrupt this program to bring you the following news bulletin" announcement? The newscaster broke in to announce that a Jet Blue plane had to make an emergency landing after the front wheel in its landing gear failed to operate properly. During "Lost." Funny ... yet creepy.

[Spoiler Alert!]

The bag of chocolate is safe for another day...

J.D. is now the front man for INXS!

I'm a little bummed, though. Not because J.D. won (I knew my future hubby could do it!), but because I really, really wanted a Hershey's Kiss (though I'll take one from J.D. ... Ba-dum-pum!).

See you at the concert... :-)

Had my first acting class at the Performing Arts Studio last night. Sadly, there are no Mr. Hotty McHot-Hots in the class this time. Bummer. What am I supposed to daydream about now, huh?

Anyhoo, so we did a few exercises last night to learn subtext and intention. Now, I know many of you are not terribly familiar with the thee-a-turr, so I'll try to break it down in simple terms. (Those of us in the business are so giving...)

The first exercise was on subtext. We all had a line to say, and we had to say it in a way that would make our subtext clear. For example, you can say "I love you" in many different ways. The way you say it when you mean "Let's get married" is different from when you mean "and if I can't have you, no one will!" The inflection of your voice, the volume, etc., all are going to be different depending on your subtext.

The second exercise was on "intention." Pretty much every line of script has an intention behind it -- your character's goal for that particular line. So the instructor, Deborah, broke us up into teams of two, and we had to improvise scenes. Mine, with fellow classmate Sarah, was to improvise a scene in which I go into a jewelry store and buy a ring. Sarah's "intention" was to sell me the ring at all costs. My "intention" was to case out the place to rob it later. Of course, neither of us knew what our intentions were when we started the scene. It turned out pretty well.

The third, and last, exercise combined what we just learned about intention and subtext. We were given six lines of dialogue, and we had to create a scene with that dialogue. In Sarah and my scene, I was asking her to tell me whether a cake I'd baked was tastier than my competitor's cake, and she didn't want to tell me that she liked the competitor's cake better.

All in all, it was a fun class. If you've ever been interested in Hollywood, or even Broadway, I recommend taking an acting class. It's not something I'll ever pursue as a career, but it's interesting to realize what goes into acting. Certainly gives me a better appreciation of the craft. ("The craft" ... look at me, all professional and stuff...)

The future Mr. Maria Diarrhea.

If you don't know who this is, you haven't been watching "Rock Star: INXS" ... and you don't know what you're missing.

J.D. (we even share the same last initial!) is my favorite going into next week's finale. If he doesn't win, I vow to remain constipated for a week. Constipated -- now what kind of characteristic is that for Maria Diarrhea? You tell that to INXS. You tell them. Because I've got the king-size bag of Hershey's ready.

Ahhh, my favorite time of the year! The new fall season starts this week.

Here’s a rundown of all the must-see shows, in my humble couch-potato opinion:

Monday:
"How I Met Your Mother": I haven’t seen it yet, but the previews make me feel inadequate as a single woman, so it must be great!
"Prison Break": If you haven’t seen this yet, catch up immediately! Ok, so a big reason to watch is leading man Wentworth Miller, a.k.a. "the hot dude in the Mariah Carey" videos, but it also happens to be a really well-written, well-acted show. And one of the few shows that will make me miss "Las Vegas," one of my fave guilty pleasures.

Tuesday:
"Gilmore Girls": Will Luke say yes to Lorelai’s marriage proposal? Will Rory go back to Yale? Will Jess’ return shake up Rory and Logan’s relationship? Will I be tuning in to find out? You bet your sweet arse I will!
"The Amazing Race": This is a tough one, as it’s up against "Commander in Chief" with Geena Davis and "My Name is Earl" with Jason Lee, but I think "AR" might win. Then again, it’s the family edition this season, and I’m not really itching to hear "Are We There Yet?" for an hour, so...

Wednesday:
"The Apprentice: Martha Stewart": Count me among those who heart Martha.
"Lost": What, you thought I’d watch "Head Cases" instead? I think not.

Thursday:
"Survivor: Guatemala": Nothing could keep me away from Probst, er, I mean, this show.
"CSI": One "Apprentice" a week is enough, and sorry, Donald, but Martha’s got the new-kid-on-the-block advantage here. Plus, I need something to feed my serial-killer-in-the-attic paranoia.

Friday:
"Numbers": I’d like to say I’m too busy on Friday nights to watch TV, but we all know that’s not true, so why even try?

Saturday:
Even if I have to pretend to be out partying, I will not watch TV on Saturday nights ... I’ll rent a movie. Ba-dum-pum.

Sunday:
"Desperate Housewives": Every Sunday at 10:01 p.m., I say I don't care what happens on this show anymore. And every Sunday at 8:59, I can't wait to see it again. So I'll spend an hour on Wysteria Lane and I'll love every minute of it.
"Grey’s Anatomy": Oh, Patrick Dempsey, how you have matured. Yum-my. Oh, I mean, it's a really well-written and well-acted show.

I woke up at 6:01 this morning. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Except that I went to sleep at around 5:30 a.m.

No, I wasn’t out partying with Brad and George again. (That was last week.) No, I, Maria Diarrhea, was convinced -- convinced! -- that someone had snuck into my house while I wasn’t there and was hiding in the attic, waiting for me to fall asleep so he could torture and kill me. Never mind that, in order to get out of the attic, he’d have to make his way through a closet full of shoes, boxes and cleaning supplies. Yeah, that wouldn’t make any noise at all.

So, it started at around 8:30, when I heard one of the typical house noises one hears. Then I heard the noise about three more times, before going to bed at 11:00. Now, most people, when they hear such noises, (correctly) attribute it to the house settling. Not me. Oh, no. I go right to “CSI,” and where’s Nick Stokes when you really need him, huh?

So I went to bed and turned the alarm on. But that wasn’t enough, because I kept hearing something my brother said to me a while ago: “Alarm lines can be cut.” Um, hello? Have we just met? Do you not know me?!? Why don’t you just tell me there’s no point in locking the doors because locks can easily be picked? (Oh, lord ... not gonna think about it ... not ... gonna ... think ... about ... it...)

Anyhoo, so I went to bed, turned on the alarm, and put the alarm remote in my palm, because, you know, if someone comes into my room, I can hit the panic button, thus alerting an operator in Kalamazoo that I’m about to be gutted, and he will, in turn, call the authorities, who will arrive approximately 37 minutes after I’m dead.

So I finally got all these nasty thoughts out of my head when I heard one last noise. The noise itself didn’t scare me (I was too tired at this point), but as I turned my head in the direction of the noise, I saw what I thought was something fly over me. I don’t know if you have this, but when I move my eyes, I see what look like little mosquitoes -- they're actually just miniscule stains on my eyeballs, but if I move my eyes quickly enough, it looks like a big ol’ fly. At 3:30 a.m., though, that doesn’t really register.

So now I’ve got to contend not only with the rapist/torturer/serial killer, but with some unknown flying insect that is apparently also waiting for me to go to sleep before it attacks.

If you know me, you know I was not about to give either of them the satisfaction of sleeping. Hah! That’ll show ‘em. But of course, you also know that there was no serial killer, no large flying insect. No. Sadly, I am just a nutcase.

World, meet the new James Bond: Daniel Craig.

Ok, it’s not official, yet. And there certainly have been many names bandied about as possible replacements for Pierce Brosnan, some (Clive Owen) more interesting than others (Jude Law?). But, after having watched "Layer Cake," I’m convinced Craig is up to the task.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the biggest fan of the Bond movies. In fact, the first one I saw was the first one starring Brosnan. So I’m coming at this from a newbie’s point of view. But Craig certainly seems to fit the bill: He’s charming. He looks great in a suit. And those piercing blue eyes ... hmm...

If you liked "The Usual Suspects," you’ll like "Layer Cake." True to its title, the movie is layered with plot points that don’t really seem to make sense, until the end. As with "Suspects," the joy in watching "Cake" is after the movie ends – when you go back and try to make the puzzle pieces fit and discover clues you missed.

But enough about the movie, and back to Craig. Maybe it’s the British accent, but even the fact that he’s not a head-turner in the way that, say, Gorin Visnjic, is, makes him more attractive. "I know I’m not gorgeous, but I’m so f***ing great in the sack that you can’t resist me. Oh, and look how great I look hanging 2,000 feet in the air from this thin little cable attached to a helicopter I just happened to find in the middle of the rain forest. And this hot ecologist I just saved from certain death? I will be pleasuring her later this evening in ways previously thought humanly impossible. Then I’m going to have some waffles."

Oh, Danny boy.

Well, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to, er, go buy some syrup ... or something.

I was going to write about the tragedy in New Orleans, but this opinion piece from The New York Times says it all:

Waiting for a Leader

George W. Bush gave one of the worst speeches of his life yesterday, especially given the level of national distress and the need for words of consolation and wisdom. In what seems to be a ritual in this administration, the president appeared a day later than he was needed. He then read an address of a quality more appropriate for an Arbor Day celebration: a long laundry list of pounds of ice, generators and blankets delivered to the stricken Gulf Coast. He advised the public that anybody who wanted to help should send cash, grinned, and promised that everything would work out in the end.

We will, of course, endure, and the city of New Orleans must come back. But looking at the pictures on television yesterday of a place abandoned to the forces of flood, fire and looting, it was hard not to wonder exactly how that is going to come to pass. Right now, hundreds of thousands of American refugees need our national concern and care. Thousands of people still need to be rescued from imminent peril. Public health threats must be controlled in New Orleans and throughout southern Mississippi. Drivers must be given confidence that gasoline will be available, and profiteering must be brought under control at a moment when television has been showing long lines at some pumps and spot prices approaching $4 a gallon have been reported.

Sacrifices may be necessary to make sure that all these things happen in an orderly, efficient way. But this administration has never been one to counsel sacrifice. And nothing about the president's demeanor yesterday - which seemed casual to the point of carelessness - suggested that he understood the depth of the current crisis.

While our attention must now be on the Gulf Coast's most immediate needs, the nation will soon ask why New Orleans's levees remained so inadequate. Publications from the local newspaper to National Geographic have fulminated about the bad state of flood protection in this beloved city, which is below sea level. Why were developers permitted to destroy wetlands and barrier islands that could have held back the hurricane's surge? Why was Congress, before it wandered off to vacation, engaged in slashing the budget for correcting some of the gaping holes in the area's flood protection?

It would be some comfort to think that, as Mr. Bush cheerily announced, America "will be a stronger place" for enduring this crisis. Complacency will no longer suffice, especially if experts are right in warning that global warming may increase the intensity of future hurricanes. But since this administration won't acknowledge that global warming exists, the chances of leadership seem minimal.

[Related item here]